Epilogue
Manoj sat on the shore watching the sunset. He had finally got the money. But the line between right and wrong felt blurred now. He saw the water enveloping the sun and was reminded of the care a parent is expected to give to their children. Sunsets reminded him how endings sometimes seemed beautiful. He got the cash out of his pocket and counted them multiple times and then pushed it back in. It was enough for everything.
He needed money and the only way was to sell either one of them. Both options meant a good life for every one of them which made the choice even tougher than it already was. For him selling either meant losing a part of his soul. But isn’t that what being a parent means? Being ready to live incomplete so that your children can live a happy and safe life.
Did I make the right choice?
He had questions and he knew that he wasn’t going to get answers for them. He had made a choice and now he had to live with it. The good thing was he could use the money and give his family a proper life. But the guilt was too heavy and his bones weren’t strong enough to carry them yet.
How will I ever be able to forgive myself?
He sat there and let the day end. The illusion of control is what we all strive for and at times like these, it’s robbed away from us. And finally, Manoj could see it for what it was – an illusion.
CHAPTER 1
Two weeks ago.
He sat by the seashore looking at the sun setting. The sun was brick red and was painting the sky in its color. Beside him was his buggie and Chetak – his horse. He remembered naming him on the name of the Maharana Pratap’s loyal horse. They had worked together for almost 7 years now and Chetak had become a part of his family. He slowly slid the notes and coins out of his pocket. He wore a brown striped shirt which was patched on quite a few spots with an oversized trouser held in place with a belt. He sat leaning on the buggie and started counting today’s earnings. He could help but reminisce about the past when the people loved to take a ride on a horse buggie. He had planned to buy a few more of these and use the money to give a better life to his two children – an elder daughter and a younger son. But he had aged seven years with the same buggy and the same living condition and the income kept reducing. His thought was interrupted by the neighing of Chetak. He got up and slowly rubbed chetak’s neck.
“Well, it’s not much but we can go two days with it, buddy.”
Chetak nodded as if understanding and agreeing to his words.
“Let’s go home.”
He held the reign and started walking back. He stayed in the slums near Juhu beach in a small house which he had rented for his entire family. He parked his buggy on the back roads which were shut from a long time. It wasn’t a safe place to leave chetak alone at night so he dragged his cot there every night and slept near him. They were friends and friends look out for each other. His wife had been waiting when he walked in.
“Where were you?”
“Same as every day. Why?”
“The ration is over and I need some money.”
He got all the money out of his pocket and handed it to her. She counted it and sat down with her hands on her head.
“This is just 210 rupees.”
“The work is slow these days. It will be enough for tonight and tomorrow.”
“How long are we going to live like this?”
“Festive season is coming up. Tourists will be here. The business will pick up and then we can relax or some weeks.”
“You always say the same thing and it never happens.”
Their argument was interrupted by his son running in and hugging his father’s leg.
“Baba, did you get toffee today?”
He feigned a half-hearted smile and nodded.
“Don’t worry, get it tomorrow.”
He nodded.
His wife was gathering a bag to get the stuff when he heard his daughter cough in the corner. He moved towards her sitting down near her. He checked her temperature and she was burning.
“Didn’t you give her the medicines?”
“I did. But the fever keeps coming. You sit with her, I’ll get the ration.”
He took the container kept near drained the cloth and placed it on her head. She looked at her and gave a weak smile.
“You are going to be okay.”
But even he found it difficult to believe his words these days.
The fever had subsided a little by dinner time and they all sat together to eat. Like every day, both the kids sat on either side of their father and he fed them. It was a ritual of sorts for them. Most times he had to eat less just so his kids could eat well but he was happy with that. In this little corner of the world, he had a life of his own.
After putting both the kids to bed he gathered his blanket and pillow to get some rest.
“You should just sell the horse and set up a small shop.”
“He is not a horse. He is family and I’m not abandoning him just because we are going through a rough time.”
This argument had been going on since months now and he always answered the same way. He considered chetak his friend. Chetak had worked harder than him to help him run his family and adjusted with the little he had to offer. He hardly ever fell sick or required costly maintenance. Selling him would be equivalent to selling his children for him.
“Here, you can at least feed him less. Most horses can survive on grass.”
“He takes minimum nutrition possible and most of what he eats is grass. I add these pulses so he keeps his strength.”
“There is no arguing with you when it comes to that horse.”
She lied down between the kids facing away from him. He asked her to lock the door and moved out. He thought about what she said and how it may help their situation. But there was no guarantee this would solve their problems. To top it his heart was never gonna be ready to sell Chetak.
He adjusted his cot near the buggy and mixed the pulses with the grass. Then he put it in a wicker basket and placed it in front of Chetak, who started to chew on it. He slowly moved his hands on his back and neck.
“Don’t mind what Sarita says. She is just trying to give our kids a better life.”
Again Chetak nodded as if understanding every word and continued to chew his food. He could do nothing but smile. He went on the cot and adjusted himself. He saw Chetak still continuing his chewing and dozed off.
“Baba get up.”
He was woken up by his son pulling his arms trying to wake him up.
“What happened?”
He checked the time from his broken black and white phone. It was 1 AM.
“Didi is really sick. You need to come.”
He got off his cot and ran towards his house.
thewanderingwriter 